In the Lyme light - an educational read

"You look healthy and hale, considering.", "You're not better yet?", "It could be worse.", "You're still under treatment?", "You just went out dancing but you are declining the invite to my party? You seemed well enough then!"

Yes. These are comments I have heard frequently for the last few months. I am a very vocal person and people usually always know what I am feeling or thinking. But despite how dramatic and ridiculous some of you might think me, I am not the kind of person who likes to dwell on sickness. Talking about it all the time just lends energy to it and I refuse to wear this illness like a cloak. Perhaps some of my low key attitude has been partially to blame for people's ignorance. But people will always be ignorant of things they have never experienced and know little about. Any kind of illness that affects your quality of life can be hard to deal with and adjust to, so even though it seems like not that big of a deal, you just don't know until you find yourself in that kind of situation.

So let me educate you. Let's start at the beginning. I first got what I thought was a pimple on my thigh. A month later it wasn't gone and I picked at it, but then the next day, there was a ring around it and it grew over the next few days. I started feeling achy like I was coming down with the flu and I got these weird and intense headaches every night. A dermatologist biopsied my leg for Lyme Disease and even did a blood test. The blood test was negative but the biopsy was positive. So even those that accused me of making stuff up, were proven wrong by my medical diagnosis.

Once I started treatment, I could not believe how I wanted to die. There were two weeks that were utter hell for me. EVERY joint in my body was stiff, swollen and painful. My bones were on fire and my skin hurt - every inch of it. I woke up in the night a couple of times and sobbed in my husbands arms because just breathing hurt. You see, the person under treatment of Lyme is being attacked three different ways.

1. The immune system kicking in can make a person feel icky.

2. Having the Lyme bacteria invade my body makes me feel sick.

3. When the antibiotics kill the bacteria, they release a toxin that makes me feel VERY sick.

I have had, and continue to have about 30% bad days, 50% just ok days, and 20% good days. I might feel great to go dancing on Monday, but come Tuesday afternoon I will feel weak and achy and unable to move around comfortably, and then the very next day or so, feel ok again. I can never tell, from day to day, what I will feel like. I continue to socialize, go to family functions and do my best to keep my house clean because moving around is better for me than laying around, and it distracts me from the discomfort that I feel every day. But when my routine gets interrupted because I haven't the strength to lift and carry my baby, hold a spoon to feed myself and have no energy to shower and get dressed, it can be very depressing. I have no time to just let myself heal because I have kids to take care of and a home to run.

Every day I have at least a few of these symptoms if not more - gagging while trying to eat so I can take meds, nausea and vomiting from the bacteria dying and from the strong antibiotics, I've lost 2 pounds of weight every day for a week now, sleepless nights, abdominal cramps, my joints ache almost every day to some degree, mental confusion makes it hard for me to have decent conversations and I feel like so many things are slipping through the cracks because I can't remember anything, I am weak at times so much that I shake doing simple things, every time I stand up and even climbing a ladder sparks waves of vertigo and lightheadedness, taking a shower makes me winded and wipes me out for an hour at least, and I get intense super chills about 3-4 times a day that will only go away if I lay in front of my infrared lamps. And I recently have been fighting a cold and an esophageal ulcer. Between all that, my "normal" duties, coffee enemas, resting, teas and 15+ supplements and vitamins, I tend to get very overwhelmed. Especially when people take it for granted that I'm still ill.

I count my blessings and am staying as positive as I can. However it has been four months and both I and my family, are getting really tired of mom being sick. I am very grateful it is not a more debilitating disease (as long as I can get rid of it completely with treatment) or terminal cancer. So yes, it could be worse. But THIS is what I am going through and even though I do well most days, it makes it hard to enjoy life, I worry about the future of my health and that of my baby who has been exposed by my breast milk. I have no idea what this will do and is doing to my immune system. Getting simple colds knock me out because my white cells are in the middle of a war as is. I'm home alone with the kids till 7:30 most nights so I don't have much help during the day, at all. I don't have to stay in the hospital, or come home with an IV, or have oxygen which can easily clue people in to the illness that someone might be dealing with, so my word is all you have to go on. I feel isolated, lonely and frustrated from time to time. Especially when people closest to me don't care to understand what this is all about, how it affects me, make thoughtless comments or bother to inquire after my health. There are a handful of people who I can seriously thank for going out of their way to do little things to make my life easier though and you know who you are.

So, before anyone assumes anything about anyone else, I just ask that you stop and ask some questions first. Or do some research online to find out what this person might be dealing with. I'm hoping for the best and that is all I can do; just because I am under treatment does not mean that it is guaranteed to go away completely and living every day, not knowing, how this might affect the rest of my life is kind of unnerving. I won't go into it, but long term Lyme has some scary symptoms.

So I meditate, do my best to keep up on my supplements and treatments and keep hoping that the next day I will feel better. But after a long time of dealing with the roller coaster of my symptoms and being overwhelmed in many areas of my life, I tend to get frustrated. I trust in my body's ability to heal and am doing my best to be patient.

We kicked off the holiday season by hosting Thanksgiving dinner in our new home this year. It was fun to use the dining room, even if we don't have a designated dining room table yet. ;) It was complete with new recipes, laughter and Mason playing a prank on Grandpa with his remote control fart machine. Aaaaah, good times!

Every day my children get older, it seems my heart breaks. They are all so beautiful and talented! It is our goal as parents to raise our children to understand the responsibility of being a body on this planet; to make a difference, to change the status quo that is not working, to do things that will bring joy, ease, comfort or value to the world.

Sam sang You Are My Sunshine in her theater class for Talent Day and I accompanied her on the guitar; that was such a fun memory for us! I am so excited for her to develop her musical talent.

Mason is going to try out for the Christmas play that his drama class is putting on this month so stay tuned for more on that. He has his braces on now and is not liking it one bit. But having his jaw aligned will save him years of discomfort and pain.

Jozlynn is now crawling speedily, pulling herself up to things and now trying to walk around them while holding on. Needless to say, she has several bruises on her head from falling. :( She also hasn't figured out how to sit down so she just does a dive for the floor, kind of like a belly flop. But it doesn't phase her at all. She loves music and has started to dance when I sing to her.

Donny is in the last week of his weight loss challenge at work and we are excited to see the results at the Christmas party this year. It's about time we win some cool stuff so send us positive, winning thoughts!!

I am still undergoing Lyme treatment and it is proving to be a beast! I am getting better for sure but this has affected me a lot longer than I thought it might. Oh well, I know I am getting better and will count any blessings that come my way.

Full swing into Autumn!

Halloween was an absolute blast for us this year. We love the community we are in and had a good time getting into the festivities. Samantha went to a kids Halloween party and had her first experience bobbing for apples! She did a great job. Donny and I made some new friends at a party this year and trick or treating was an absolute blast! Our

neighborhood was
teeming with families and so many houses, garages and car trunks were decked out. One family had a projection showing of Thriller and we even stumbled onto a spook alley. Sam saw her second scary thing inside and decided she was done with it. It was the best suburban Halloween I've ever experienced.

Jozlynn has officially started crawling and will make her way from room to room looking for us. She understands several sign language signs and is even trying to learn to do her first one, "more". She does nothing but want to stand up all the time and we're very afraid she will be more of a mover than her sister was. She plays peek-a-boo with us by herself by covering her face with a blanket then breathing really fast while kicking her feet at the same time. She will giggle a little and then finally pull the blanket off her face. She seems to enjoy hiding more than she does peeking!

Samantha has a talent day at her theater class next week so I will be working with her on a song to sing for that. I am excited for her to showcase her talent. The production of Rapunzel that they are working on will be premiered in the spring so stay tuned for an invitation to that!

Mason got braces the day before his birthday and hasn't been too thrilled about them. It is in an effort to widen his pallet and re-correct his jaw that is already out of alignment. He inherited it from his mother and this will save him years of TMJ pain and headaches. He has been busy as a drama tech at school lately building sets and setting them up. He seems to enjoy the hands on part of it just as much as the spotlight part of it. We are going to work on some Josh Groban songs for auditioning with here shortly.

I have been practicing the guitar pretty regularly when my health allows and have had fun learning and also exercising my talent for creating music. I'm still a beginner but it has helped me maintain some mental stability as I still deal with the Lyme. I've got many more weeks of treatment and it is hard to say how "better" I feel because there are still good days and bad days. I am hoping the bad days will get less and less bad as this is eradicated from my system. Any prayers are welcome. :)

Donny is looking trim and fit as he continues to work out during the work week. He still does some side projects for extra income and is almost finished with my desk! Hooray! We will be ready to paint the office soon to make ready for it to finally be a more functional place.

We have been busy as a family getting our emergency preparedness handled and building our food and supply storage. We have three 55 gallon drums to put water in and build a rack in our garage. Mason is earning a merit badge by helping me put together 72 hour kits.

We are feeling very Thankful this month as we reflect on all the changes we've had over the last year. We are celebrating family and traditions and can't wait to see many of you for the holidays.

The Bold and the Beautiful

It is my favorite time of year. We are celebrating autumn and Halloween. We have been to some parties and are enjoying as much of it as we can. Last year, Samantha was so disappointed that no one else dressed up. If some of you recall, that was a stressful time for us with our Layton home and I was pregnant. So THIS year, we are redeeming ourselves! Donny is a zombie pirate complete with flaking skin makeup. Mason is a zombie soldier (boys and their zombie fetishes!? Whatevs), I am a fancy buccaneer pirate, Sam is my first mate and little Jozlynn is nothing related to zombies or pirates; she is a lamb. Maybe I saved her from the hungry zombies....?

Little girls are much harder than little boys. I think I'd prefer loud and rambunctious over whiny and cry-ey. But we certainly are prettier, aren't we? ;) This little kindergartner is showing more signs of being strong willed and determined. I am proud that she can boldly ask for what she wants. It is my job to now teach her how to embrace her strength and use it wisely. Having that guidance while young will save her years of drama and self doubt. Just the other day she started to try and write a note to her friend. I was so excited that she tried it on her very own! She knows all the letters and their sounds, days of the week and most of her numbers. She is now ready for site words and simple spelling. She is catching on quickly. Her parent teacher conference went well and she has improved since first of the year testing.

Jozlynn is such a balm to my soul. She is still so calm and sweet that I'm glad our last baby ended up so good natured. She JUST started crawling this last weekend and sitting herself up as well. We can get some shrieks out of her every now and then but she still doesn't laugh out loud much....but don't get me wrong, she laughs a lot; it is just quiet. I know most babies are food obsessed but she really, really likes food. She has this radar that is so tuned into food that it's insane! Oh well, such a big girl really needs lots of food to keep growing, eh?

Mason got back from competing with his drama group down at the Shakespearean Festival in Cedar City. He says their group got trophies in every category and best overall score called the Sweepstakes. He is doing well and we are excited to see him get some leading roles in future! I'm not sure if he is shy around us with his singing voice, or what. But when he sang for me the other day, I was quite surprised as how good he sounded. We are thinking of going to New York with his drama group at the end of next school year and I would LOVE to share that experience with him. He just informed me today that he is "dating" a girl. We'll see....school function dates and maybe we can start some parent chaperoned dates as well.

Donny is involved in a weight loss program at work. They are competing for a "sweet prize" given to the winners at the Christmas party this year. His company does give some great stuff so we are excited to see what it is. He says he's not lost any weight but his pants are drooping something fierce! He has been working on making homemade kefir and sprouts. And my desk is almost finished!!! Yay for a husband finished project. :)

I have been continuing to write articles for supplemental income for a marketing firm in the valley. The articles are flexible and the amount of work is as well. That has been such a great thing to have since I've been sick. I'm staying as optimistic as I can about this disease but it's starting to wear on me now. It's been over two months since I got sick and I've several more weeks of treatment to go. Some days are good and some days are bad. Please keep me in your prayers that this treatment works and I am able to completely eradicate the Lyme from my body. I started playing the guitar several months ago and have really enjoyed it. I finally can accompany myself with a few learned songs!

We are continuing to get our home outfitted with plants, pictures, furniture and decor. My new dishwasher will be here tomorrow in fact! We have become dedicated to building our food storage and emergency preparedness. We have some food, 3 - 55 gallon water drums and the next thing on the agenda is 72 hour kits.